Fictorious!
by SaphyJones
Summary: Tony! Ziva! McGee! Gibbs! Ducky! Jimmy! Dead Kate! Jen...unfortunately. Pikachu! haha, just making sure you were still paying attention. Okay, now that i have lured you all to this fic, know this: Zivabash writers beware, here be parody. Updated daily.
1. Chapter 1

Author's note: This is for all of you who are tired of Kate lovers preaching their distaste for Ziva with venomous words. This is for all of you who don't think that Kate should rise from the dead as the ghost of snobbish past and give people advice. This is for all of you who are reading a fic that seems pretty good and then BAM!... you know what I'm talking about. You know it's coming, you see it, throwing up here, a little bitchiness there, and finally, you roll your eyes as you see the line you were dreading to read, "I'm pregnant". This is for all of you who are afraid of Ducky/Gibbs writers.

Now that I've insulted almost all of you potential readers, I'd like to remind you that these characters are not mine. Of course, you all already knew that because if they were my characters I would not be posting on a webpage. I'd be out making muchas mullah and ruining Mark Harmon's career simultaneously (no offense to Mark Harmon implied). In addition, I apologize if my avoidance of contractions bothers you. I have been told it is quite annoying.

Z&I&V&A&T&O&N&Y&A&B&B&Y&M&C&G&E&E&K&A&T&E&

Tony walked into NCIS to see one Tim McGee asleep at his desk. It had been a long night for all of them, but it seemed the Probie couldn't find the energy to leave his desk and head home. He poked the Probie, smiling as he remained still. Taking advantage of the situation, Tony ran to his desk.

&H&I&A&S&P&O&R&T&S&F&A&N&S&

"McGee! McGee!" moaned a frightening voice.

McGee sat up, finding himself in a white room. "What- what do you want?"

The iniquitous figure rolled her eyes and floated lower, "Hey butthead, up here!"

"Kate? Am I dead?" McGee asked nervously.

"No, you idiot! I'm a vision, an apparition, if you will. Some fanfiction writers think I should appear at least once to say something important in each story."

"Okay, so…what are you going to tell me?"

"Hadn't really thought of it yet. There's not too much going on right now, to tell you the truth. I just want to get back up to heaven," she paused for a moment to consider her options. "Oh! Here's one! You should wake up now because Tony's about to draw on your face with magic marker."

McGee blinked, "That's it? Tony does something like that once a week at least!"

Kate simply shrugged and disappeared.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: This chapter will be longer, I promise. Also, thank you to everyone who reviewed so far, especially those who like Kate, but read the story anyway. Honestly, I don't hate Kate. I just don't like Zivabashing, mostly. A special thanks to the TivaDivas who have been very kind with their reviews and to Thought and Caliga for providing many ideas for this story. You all should read their stories.

As always, these characters aren't mine. Not even a little bit. Not even a little tiny bit.

&H&E&F&F&A&L&U&M&P&S&A&N&D&W&O&O&S&E&L&S&

Abby sat in her lab with the lights turned off. She had had trouble sleeping all week and something in her subconscious was tugging at her. When she looked up to the ceiling for an answer to her problems, she was surprised to see Kate floating above her. "Kate," she implored in fascination, "is that you?"

"Yes Abby, it's me. I've come to tell you something very important. It's a heaven thing."

"Okay, lay it on me!"

"I have been sent to tell you not to hate Ziva because you guys needed an attractive female to replace me when I died otherwise you would lose male interest,"

"I- I don't hate her," Abby replied.

"Do too."

"Do not."

"Do too."

"Do not, and that's final!"

"Okay, that's good enough for me. See ya, Abby," Kate said as she disappeared into the ceiling.

Abby blinked as she scanned her lab for other spirits. _I need to get some sleep, _she finally decided.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Tony held the marker to McGee's forehead, thinking of what to write, when McGee woke up suddenly. "Don't, Tony."

"What? How'd you wake up? You NEVER wake up!" Tony responded; confused.

"Did you know that pinching yourself in a dream actually wakes you up?"

"What?"

"Nevermind."

Gibbs stormed into the room, "Tony, don't even think about- oh," he looked to see McGee and Tony talking, "Well, then."

Tony smirked, "Your timing can't always be perfect, boss."

Gibbs glared. Tony winced. McGee stood at his desk, not really knowing what to do. "For god's sake, McGee, go get some coffee and get back to work! Tony, I want that report on my desk by the end of the day! Where the hell is Ziva?"

McGee nervously pointed towards the elevator, "She's in Abby's lab," he managed to mutter.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Abby practically snorted Caf- Pow! Out of her nose when Ziva had walked into the room and asked her what might quite possibly be the oddest question she had ever been asked. It took her several minutes to recover from her hysterical laughing fit before she was able to reply, "What? You want to seduce McGee! Why?"

"I have my reasons," Ziva said with a small, but very menacing grin.

"Oh, that is not fair! Now I really want to know why!" Abby whined.

"Know why _what,_ Abs?" Gibbs asked as he walked into the room. _Yup, still got it, _he smiled to himself, recognizing his own good timing.

"I really want to know why Ziva wore that jacket with those shoes. They totally clash!" she replied, tilting her head to the side and grinning. Behind Gibbs Ziva rolled her eyes.

"And just what are you doing here?" Gibbs asked impatiently.

"I was, um…" was Ziva's only reply.

"Spit it out David!"

"I finished my reports, so I was helping Abby with hers."

"It's true, Gibbs. I was complaining about how much paperwork I have left to do and Ziva volunteered to help me. It seemed a little odd at the time, but hey, who am I to refuse help?" Abby interjected. Gibbs stared at the two of them before leaving the lab without another word. _Weird day,_ he thought to himself.

"My jacket and shoes do not clash!" Ziva argued as soon as Gibbs was out of sight.

"Whatever you say, Ziva. So, what was this about seducing McGee?"

iiiiiiiiiiiii

Gibbs walked briskly into the elevator. This was not his day. In fact, it hadn't been his week either. In frustration, he punched the wall of the elevator, leaving a dent in it, as Director Sheppard stepped into the elevator. "Tough day?" she asked.

Gibbs merely grunted in reply.

"Oh, that's mature!" Jen huffed in frustration.

"This is too weird. McGee's not being pranked, Abby and Ziva are acting like best friends, and I haven't slapped Tony all morning. What gives?"

"What does your gut tell you?"

"That's just it. I think my gut's on the fritz. Maybe I have a stomach flu or something."

&H&I&A&L&L&Y&O&U&R&E&A&D&E&R&S&

See? That really WAS longer! I'll try to update soon!

-----Saphyjones


End file.
